My Breastfeeding Unsuccess Story

For many years I wanted to become a mother. I dreamt about staying home on a maternity leave and taking care of my newborn. I pictured myself sitting in the perfectly decorated nursery, with a celestial theme, and rocking my baby gently while I nursed him.

For years before this scenario could become a reality; I was working as a nurse. First, as a neonatal transport nurse, and then as a neonatal nurse practitioner. Many years were spent taking care of others' babies; both preemies and seriously ill term newborns. I felt that I had a calling to be a nurse; yet I was personally left feeling void without my own child.

After a first timester miscarriage two years prior; I became pregnant. Even though I was labeled advanced maternal age; I had a great pregnancy and thoroughly enjoyed impending motherhood. I took a several week long childbirth education class and learned all about being in labor. I feared the probable pain associated with delivery but still was very excited.  I neglected to take a breastfeeding class, in part because I had worked with many mothers of preemies, and had assisted many to provide the skin to skin technique. After all; breastfeeding is natural. There can't be that much to it that would make you need a class?  Oh, was I wrong and misinformed to say the least.

My son was born at very close to term. Brad came into this world via a stat-emergency cesarean section. His heartrate had dropped during my labor. My OB later discovered that Brad had an umbilical cord around his neck; known as a nuccal cord. Because of my age I was considered high-risk. So I had all the prenatal diagnostic tests while pregnant. Not that any results would alter my pregnancy, however, I am the type of personality that does better with prior information.  After Brad was born, the neonatologist discovered that Brad had an undiagnosed cleft palate. Funny; no family history so I never considered that one. I still attempted to breastfeed my newborn in the hospital; but he would never latch. So by the time I took him home from the hospital he was partially dehydrated with impending hyperbilirubinemia (jaundice). As we were being discharged a nurse handed me an unopened package that contained the Haberman Special Needs Nurser.
When we got home I proceeded to re-hydrate Brad, even going so far as to calculate out how many mL's per kilogram per day of fluid he was receiving. The neonatal nurse practitioner part of me was taking over. And, yes, I started a "chart" on Brad. I even counted his respirations. Signs of a nervous mom, or just a bad combination of mom/nurse? Thankfully Brad did well, although I needed to use formula because my milk never came in. Because my son wouldn't or couldn't latch; I knew to rent a hospital grade double electric breastpump. Because I didn't get support at that time from a Lactation Consultant; I didn't know how often to pump. Also, because I negelected to take a breastfeeding class; I was unaware of the need to pump frequently. That situation prompted me to go into a post partum depression, I had been a failure at having a vaginal birth and also a failure with breastfeeding.

Several great things have happened since that period in my life. I recovered from my PPD, my son Brad has thrived and grown into a fine, young man. Yes, he is handsome. But because of my ordeal I have now become a Certfied Childbirth Educator, first a Certified Lactation Counselor, and now a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant).
Last year I ventured into a private business known as BabyFirst Lactation & Childbirth. I truly recommend that all pregnant mothers take prenatal educational classes. I also recommend that breastfeeding is the absolute best way to nourish your baby. Breastfeeding is my passion and I desire to help you reach your personal breastfeeding goals.  ~Amy www.babyfirstlactation.com